Indurative

This time, last year, things were so different. Allah knows all the emotions inside this fragile heart that felt like bloated. How i've been through my sleepless night, my face bumped onto pillow to cry silently, when i lost all my focus in doing anything. But slowly i embrace the positives and learn to live life again. This year, 2015 was a year full of laughters and adventure. A year i've decided not to date with anyone, i let myself free. It was miraculously worked somehow when i make myself away from negativity.

Bukit Kutu // 101115

I have so many reasons nak pergi hiking this 2nd time. Kau belajar jadi berani jln dlm hutan dgn keadaan gelap which is kau redha apa pun yang kau langgar or pijak, kau belajar jadi sabar dengan track penuh lumpur and mencacak buat kau letih, kau belajar bersyukur bila kau solat tgh2 hutan dgn apa yg ada kau sujud dkt tanah, kau belajar ukhuwah fillah dgn kwn2 baru and kwn2 lama bila dorg keep tny kau ok ke tak, kau belajar merendah diri bila kau dah tak kisah kena kotor lumpur or air hujan sebab kau sedar tuh semua nikmat Allah.

Walaupun sakit2 badan and kaki still terasa sampai skrg, i still found that bila pergi hiking actually buat aku lebih bersyukur dgn setiap nikmat Allah. Aku bukan pergi hiking sbb bangga mampu hiking tapi everytime aku buat something, aku nak pastikan the main niat aku sbb Allah.

Mungkin aku lambat sedar rupanya tak rugi pun bila kita buat something sebab Allah, yup nak betulkan diri nak lawan nafsu tuh ya Rabbi Tuhan je yg tau payahnye. I've wasted tahun tahun sebelum ni buat something sebab manusia, perit kecewa tanggung sendiri tapi in the end Allah jugak aku cari.

For those who willing to stay with me till now and tak putus2 doakan share mcm2 ilmu, i have no better words nak sampaikan but u'll remain in my DOA. Amiin, in shaa Allah.

Biar yang datang mampu buat terbang di awangan, aku masih mahu usaha kejar cinta Tuhan yang utama. Ingatkan aku Tuhan sebaik baik perancang, tolong.

Last Hope // Paramore

How i wish kita dgn life mcm dulu where we both have each other's back pastuh bila stress kita buat kerja gila sama2. Yup, kau faham aku, selalu faham. Kau tau everything even aku tak bukak mulut pun nak ngadu sbb kau kenal aku mcm mana rii.

How i wish jugak aku ada bila kau susah, mcm selalu, mcm dulu2. But the fact is kita masing2 busy dgn life sekarang which is both ada commitment masing2. Weyh aku rindu dgn kau every time dgr lagu paramore sbb kita study setiap lirik paramore then bila one of us down kita nyanyi sama2 lagu tuh. Aaa rinduuuuu *kesatairmata

Si Gadis

Perlu gagah dan tak reti tewas, perlu kuat dihenyak dicantas.
Bukan tugasmu memuas, manusia berbeza minda, tak akan sama.
Biar naluri beraja, mana wujud sempurna pada manusia.
Perlu bangkit.

Brighter // Against The Current

Always be the best advisor, always. This kinda friendship that i'll make sure I'm not gonna lose it even we both would change our status. Jazakallahu khairan amin.

Fight Song

I love how my life going since last Friday till now, tiba2 bersyukur for everything. K sebelum ni bersyukur but sekarang rasa mcm k am i worth to get all these things? gais, gais? Dapat call interview hari Jumaat petang, I was very clumsy nak settle kan portfolio, emosi tak tentu pasal sbb benda kecik jadah, nak fikir pakai apa pergi interview, serabut semua serabut sampai tak sedar terpijak taik kucing lagi 4 jam nak interview. LOL. Officemate paling byk tlg, drivekan pergi kedai nak binding, patah balik rumah tukar kasut, ayah tlg hantar amik kat tempat interview, nia dtg kejap kasi hilangkan nervous, doa and wish mak ayah azri zeera odah amin jon nia amim smoothkan interview even tak sure lagi result.
Sabtu buat open house, nak invite semua kawan2 paksa suruh dorg dtg even ada yg tak dapat dtg. Kawan2 drive dari jauh, amin double amin shiha odah fiqa syasya haq emy nad fara amal qiba adah azri mus zhaf jamal safiq jon sidrah ya Allah terharu dorg sanggup dtg. Dapat jumpa muka2 yg dah lama gila tak jumpa. Thanks to mak kakak kaklang yg tlg masakkan sedap2 utk dorg even sentap sat kena soal mana 1 aku masak. Herghhh. Tapi best asyik gelak non-stop sampai kejang pipi even kena bahan sajooo pasal jodoh. Mencik!
Ahad trip ke Ipoh dgn classmate, big yeayyyy! Letih basuh pinggan malam sabtu tak hilang krem kaki, awal pagi ahad dah gerak ke Ipoh. Kemain heksaited! Trip plan dari Januari finally succeed! Alhamdulillah. Dapat beraya rumah Cik Zaza, Puan Norsham, awek mubin. Exhausted boleh tahan jugak tapi gigih nak lepak sampai pukul 2 pagi. Isnin celebrate odah syasya syaf emy haq fiqa konvo! Rindu gila nak mampus dapat gather mcm dulu2. Even byk jugak argument dlm trip tuh tapi we do enjoy every little moment weyh.

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah for each of them yg tak pernah tinggalkan aku even at my worst time. Selalu je nak spread all the positive vibes padahal aku suka sgt nak give up. Uhibbuka fillah guysss ��

Lost the battle, win the war.

Because i used my heart less this time, i less care about others feeling. Don't talk like shit to me, or else i'll make myself away forever from your life.

Tipu tak tersentuh dgn conversation amin tadi. Aku tau niat dia baik. Kan dah ckp, kenapa aku blh stay dgn kwn2 laki and keep having conversation dgn dorg sbb dorg selalu kasi aku semangat even ada selit2 kena bahan. Selalu azri amin zaf mubin, hari tuh paruq, kali ni amin. Nampak tak, why bother to be in wasted relationship meanwhile you're having a good friendship with those guys. Thanks Allah

Tuhan, kekalkan perasaan minimal ini. Aku masih perlu sayangkan Engkau yang teratas, Rasul yang kedua, keluarga yang ketiga, diri sendiri dan sahabat setia seterusnya.

#7tahun7hari

'Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, kalau salah betulkan aku. Kalau betul, kuatkan aku. Kalau dia untukku, dekatkanlah dia, kalau dia bukan untukku, jauhkanlah dia.'

Appreciation Post kononnyaaaa

Had a belated birthday celebration last sunday dgn muka2 sama celebrate dorg punya birthday tapi aku yg happy lebih pastuh dpt tau kwn jauh sabtu time asar ni jejak Msia, happy lagi padabhal belum tentu jumpa. Aku bukan yg jenis sng nak get along dgn org tapi it must be something psl dorg yg aku selesa nak keep contact. Mcm dgn kwn2 laki aku yg even asyik dgn muka sama je lepak tapi we do enjoy our conversations.  

Aku suka having conversation yg byk cerita about our dreams, target hidup, apa nak buat next plan lepas next plan. Tak perlekehkan each other and masing2 tak kerek. Aku tau beza mana laki yg treat aku mcm kwn, mana yg treat aku lebih dari kwn. 

Surely ramai fikir aku berkawan dgn lelaki sbb nak get attention but they never know, aku suka kwn dgn dorg yg skrg ni, mcm azri amin olie mubin jiji zaf paruq sbb dlm setiap conversation kteorg they do kasi aku semangat every time aku give up. 

This few months aku rasa mcm lost sgt sgt, dorg byk support aku. They're one of the reasons aku still percaya lelaki baik tuh still wujud. Lepas ni sorg2 further study, and ada life masing2. Tipu kalau aku tak sedih and i should make doa for them. 

All the best utk korg, azri amin mubin yg nak further sampai dpt title ar, zaf jiji olie yg nak succeed tlg family and kumpul duit kawin, paruq yg will be one of aerospace institute team members. Me, living my life with my dreams and life target yg aku akan kasi tau korg bila betul2 dah dpt. Kahkah.

I added new song in my Spotify playlist, Raqib Majid's song was on play title Luahan Rasa this time. This song literally reminds me of someone, but what I've learned that I supposedly to keep it in my doa.

I've been stay this way for several months and honestly ain't easy for me to open up my heart for someone new. I've read this one statement yg mmg deep paling deep, 'Yang disembunyikan Tuhan itu lebih indah untuk ditunggu kerana menuntut doa, keikhlasan dan kesabaran. Yang dijumpakan dengan hati dan akal itu bahaya kerana kadang ditemukan oleh nafsu semata-mata.'

I cry for my past.

Dreaming Alone // Against The Current ft Taka

Been busy to finish my design this month sebab nak relax pergi short escape next month. Idk this kind of habit asyik nak plan je mcm k this week nak buat apa, k nnt nak pergi mana. Kadang2 bila rasa nak buat, aku terus buat. Last week mood asyik nak tgk bunga punca sbb farouq send video dia dgn those beautiful cherry blossom yg subhanAllah cantik gilaaaa. Start lukis main2 je pastuh tiba2 confident nak main dgn watercolour. Tak pasal2 kacau budak tuh tgh study nak exam mintak recent photos of cherry blossom yg dia snap. Patblas kali touch up sbb brush dah berkecaii. Damnn.

Last Saturday plak konon nak hiking, unfortunately sampai dkt counter frim canopy walk tiket sold out. Tapi still hiking gigih ajak dorg dtg awal pagi on weekend and haq ajak pergi mandi air terjun. It was fun and worth it laa bangun awal pun kann on weekend. Time tuh jugak i was into love rosie's novel, nasib e-book so feeling baca sambil duduk tepi air terjun kaki rendam dlm air, tenang. I think this time i'm deeply in love with nature. Nikmat hidup apakah ini ya Tuhan. Syukur.

Never Run Back To What Broke You

Kenapa sibukkan diri pergi short escape melukis membaca update blog lepak dgn kwn2? Ke nak lupakan dia lagi?

Reason why I make myself away from him not because I want him to be happy with someone new but because I want myself to be happy. I want to catch up doing things that I've missed before. And this is my happiness. Why would I waste my time searching for love, then let my heart get broken once again? Just let the true love comes at the right time as Allah plan.

Yellow Flicker Beat

Scrolling through my tumbr timeline, too many strength there that i wish i can say thanks to those who wrote such a positive quotes. Aku tak sure bila aku betul2 move on actually tapi aku notice that aku heartless tiap kali tgk nama dia dkt timeline Instagram. Tah, dah takde rasa sedih or kecewa or sakit hati or whatever. Syukur for that.

I'm living my life better, Alhamdulillah. Family and friends will always be my best supporters which they know how to help me cure my heart. Moving on ain't easy, especially when u need to stop doing things that u used to do. People might hardly see my tears but they would never know how i struggle to stand strong in front of him. But Allah loves me more, He shown me hidden Hikmah that i've never expect.

Days by days, i sleep in calm, i met new friends, i can go travel whenever i want, i can do what i've planned 3 years ago, i spent most of my time with family, i stand independently. At first when i saw him with someone new my heart was broken into tiny pieces which i thought it would never get fixed again but now i'm almost done picking up the pieces and stick it back perfectly.

Masih lagi sembang topik yg sama mcm study dulu. Eh lagu ni, eh band ni, eh material ni, eh detail ni, eh aku kann, eh dia mcm ni, eh ingat lagi tak. Byk ehh tapi tuh the way we having our conversation. Mcm dulu jugak nak pergi mana decide last minute siapa nak join terus gerak. Mungkin dah jarang nak lepak sama but we will make our time, usaha bila sepakat nak lepak ramai2. We don't have those weird feeling mcm nak flirting with each other tapi we have strong bond more than a sibling to stick together through cirit birit sembelit.

K fine, the best feeling ever bila takde pakwe ni boleh lepak escape holiday dgn dorg.

I'm only human

Maaf utk sesiapa yg salah faham sbb aku diam mcm ni. Aku masih manusia jahil dan pilih untuk diam untuk matikan semua salah faham.

Kali ini

Kali ini Tuhan, perasaan itu biar minimal. 

Supaya aku tak terbang tinggi di awangan saat bahagia hingga lupa menjejak kaki ke bumi.
Supaya juga aku tidak tersembam jatuh ke bumi saat kecewa hingga lupa bersyukur tentang bahagia lain yang Engkau beri.
Biar minimal, biar perasaan itu mengajar aku bersyukur setiap nikmat yang diberi. 

Kali ini, hari-hari seterusnya, hingga ke Syurga.

Asy-Syakirin

NAD : "Kenapa eh, everytime aku cuba kasi hati dkt someone yg mintak aku peluang utk syg dorg, then bila aku dah kasi, in the end dorg yg buat mcm aku desperate."

NIA : "Mungkin Tuhan nak kasi kita sedar, so lepas ni jgn kasi hati dkt org yg salah lagi. Biar apa2 perasaan dtg bila dgn someone new, kita doa lagi dan lagi, sampai Allah kasi kita petunjuk."

NAD : "Dulu jahil kan? Apa2 luah terus, fikir nafsu tapi tak fikir Tuhan dulu."

NIA : "Percaya janji Allah, Allah akan gantikan yg lebih baik dari sebelum ni."

*always have a calm conversation with this girl and we have our favorite place everytime we searching for peace. Uhibbuka fillah :)